A COLLECTION OF ESSAYS

Ramblings about things done, seen, or remembered.

Rodeo

(that's bull riding, not Beverly Hills shopping)

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Cowboys are tough.  Much of the world might think they were made up by Hollywood but they are real and I've seen them; they ride the plains and herd cattle and wrestle bulls for no apparent reason (though the first-prize of the Professional Bull Riders tour this year is $1 million.  If you can handle the big bucks, you win the big bucks). 

My first Rodeo was full of them, milling around the oval earthy arena clad in ten-gallon hats, leather boots and vests (waistcoats), and belt buckles so big they had to go through doors sideways.  This was the first rodeo for me and several friends, but Christine, who had been to one before assured us that there was no cruelty to animals.  There was however, cruelty to nostrils in the form of an ever encompassing odor that she described as—natural.

The main event had to have build up, so first off were the kids.  Of course you can’t start a two-foot high person on a five-foot high bull.  So the kids ride sheep.  These miniature John Waynes held on for all they were worth as their sheep bolted from their pens.  An adult whisked them off their woolly steed almost immediately they left the paddock.  They certainly start them young, some of these tikes, at around two years old, were barely walking.

Next up was the bareback horse event.  The idea is the same as with the sheep—hang on—but it’s for grown ups and has bigger, more irate animals.  Nothing is less entertaining in a rodeo than a non-irate animal so to ensure the animals are irate the horses are fitted with a sling that restricts certain "male-only" areas of their physique.  Any self-respecting male of any species wearing such a device would of course jump around all over the place, which is exactly what happened.  I mentioned to Christine that this was a definition of non-cruelty I had previously been unaware of—but then she clearly had no frame of reference.  The cowboy is required to stay on for eight seconds after which he is scored on technique, ability etc.  The horse is then released from its discomfort via a quick release strap by a cowboy riding atop a non-slinged, and very grateful for it I’m sure, steed.

All these events are a prelude to the big one, the bull riding contest.  Nothing new in concept, step one, sling; step two, hang on.  There is a key difference difference between horses and bulls though—don’t be fooled into thinking bulls are slow and dumb.  Horses want you off so they can get on with the business of being upset about the whole sling thing.  Bulls think differently; they know who put the sling there, so they want to buck you off and then trample and gore you, preferably to death.  When you’re thrown from a horse it runs away from you, when you’re thrown from a bull its first action is to stick you with a horn.

And this is a good moment to mention the rodeo clown.  Between each event the rodeo clown does a turn.  I didn’t see much of the clown act because, as with other U.S. spectator sports this was the time for the audience to socialize and apply for a second mortgage so they can afford concessions.  The rodeo clown however is not to be underestimated; in fact his title is quite misleading.  Not only is he comic relief between events but he plays an active role in the bull riding event in that he saves lives (while endangering his own).  He does this by running around (in his bright colored clown costume) thereby acting as as a distraction to the enraged bulls. 

Sometimes it works, and sometimes the bull gets in a good one first.  More than one cowboy that by rights should have exited the arena on a stretcher, or several in some cases, was saved by the distractions by the clowns. 

The judging I felt was somewhat harsh.  After falling off and having the bull run right over him, a cowboy is disqualified if he does not hold on for the eight seconds.  Surely having horns the size of, well, horns, shoved into your gut while being stomped on by a bull counts for something?  Not to these chaps apparently.  If you can’t hang on there’s no points for you. 

It's hard to comprehend what makes a cowboy do this.  One in fifteen rides ends in injury; merchandise featuring top bulls (who have names like Walk This Way or Scene of the Crash) outsell rider themed merchandise.

There is no doubt though that these boys are as tough as nails.  No raging animal seems too risky or dangerous to sit on.  If dinosaurs were still around they’d be used in rodeos.

“This here’s my Tyrannosaur.  ‘Rex, get on over here!’  Hey, I know, let’s us go put his nether parts in a sling and while he’s all jumpy see how long we can hang on.”

Rodeo, like the three big American sports, is a very family oriented thing, but far more than Football, Baseball or Basketball it is more courteous.  If a guy gets bucked, trampled or simply doesn’t rope the steer, he is still applauded and I think he deserves it.  Aside from being a good habit of courtesy, I applaud anyone brave to sit on a frenzied animal with enough meat on it to open a fast food franchise.  I don’t know how well it pays but they must enjoy it, and they are some of the toughest men I’ve ever seen.

Provo, UT, June 2001

Copyright © Lincoln Thomas 2006